Why One-Night Stands are Old-Fashioned – the Rise of the Fuck Buddy

October 11th, 2012 § 0 comments

A recent article in the Huffington Post cited a new report, which claimed that sexual attraction between friends of the opposite sex leads to confusion rather than benefits.

We here at XX News have two things to say in response to this report. Firstly, absolute balderdash. Secondly, what a load of poppycock. (As you can tell we had our thinking hats on when we came up with these responses.)

Who the hell would not want to be attracted to their mates? If you’re not it means your mates are probably dog ugly and who wants a bunch of fugly friends? (Uh, no one ed. Exactly.)

These days, it’s fair to say that ‘friends with benefits’ are all the rage. I mean everyone who’s anyone has done the dirty deed with a good friend and if they’re lucky enough continues to do so on a regular basis with no strings attached. (Do bondage ropes count ed? Duh, no!)

There are many reasons why fuck buddies are so much more preferable to one-night stands and here are just a few of them.

Firstly one-night stands are so 1980s and should be relegated to the back of the time capsule along with Tom Cruise, legwarmers and mullet hairstyles.

Secondly one-night stands usually begin in seedy bars where copious amounts of alcohol have been consumed along with various illegal substances that range from Class A to Class C.

This kind of consumption is guaranteed to lead to 1. beer goggles, 2. beer fear, which basically means 1. you’re attracted to anyone with a pulse and 2. will die of shock when you see who’s in your bed next morning.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that while drink and drugs guarantee a good time in bars and clubs, their effectiveness in the bedroom is debatable. Let’s face it no one wants the embarrassment of droopy dick or the nightmare of unwanted pregnancy; the chances of both happening increase by 50 percent after a night on the Tequila.

Thirdly and most excruciating of all is the moment of departure after the one-night stand. This is particularly painful when you realise in the light of day that under normal circumstances there’s no way in hell you’d let this person stroke your dog, never mind touch your privates.

There are practical reasons too. Having casual sex with someone that you actually know dramatically decreases the chances of that person robbing you blind while you enjoy a post-coital nap.

Also there’s sexual history to consider. You just don’t where a stranger or their genitals have been and if they’re into casual sex, you can pretty much take it for granted that they’ve been around.

Not that the XX News team are suggesting that you go out and bonk all your mates. The rules of attraction still apply and this delicate arrangement will only work with a select few. All we’re saying is that when it does work it beats the hell out of banging random strangers you’ve met in bars.

One final suggestion: go forth and be friendly. ;)

 

 

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